User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Jeff x Eyeless Jack
I've dealt with stories that ship Jeff the Killer and some female OC character. But I have never dealt with one that ships Jeff with a male character. Until now. Thankfully, there's nothing graphic (else I would've added an NSFW to the title, and done my little warning) but, like most any story that ships Jeff the Killer, it sucks. (I would say "sucks dick", but none of that happens in this story, so the joke doesn't quite work) Anyway, let's just get this over with and Riff this bitch. "Why do these days keep be boring?" Because you’ve done nothing with your life. Get off your ass and do something! Jeff was lying on the couch playing with his knife. "Ohi EJ would you like to go killin' someone?" Ok, don’t do that. '' He looked at Jack, that was listening to music. He took off one of the headphones, and looked at Jeff, then nodded. Jeff and Jack got out of their house, telling at Masky and Hoody to warn SlenderMan that they would go out for 'have some fun'. ''Oh, it’s a Slender Mansion story. Joy oh joy. It was night, and the streets of the city where the two killers were going were empty. All 'humans' were sleeping in their houses. (Narrator): However, the ‘animals’ were awake, and the ‘plants’ were unable to do anything. "Eheh, this will be fun~" Jeff said, jumping on the window of a house. He checked if it could be open, and after some kicks Jeff could enter the house. He checked if all were sleeping in there, then gave the signal to Jack that the way was free. (Narrator): That way was free, but the other way was $19.95, plus shipping and handling. They took different ways, Jeff gone upstairs, while Jack reamained at the ground floor. Jeff gone to one of the bedrooms of the house, and slowly opened the door. "Heeelloouh?" He said grinning. He’s always grinning. He has a smile carved into his face. He examined the room, until he saw someone lying down in a bed. It was a teen boy, and apparently he was sleeping. Jeff got closer to him, and took his knife from the pocket of his hoodie. While getting near, Jeff tripped, and fell down, making a lot of noise. Jeff the Killer, everyone! Haunter of nightmares, and faceplanter of floors! "THE FUCK. Damn, the other in the house may heard me.." The boy that was in the bed woke up, and opening his eyes saw Jeff at the ground. The boy was confused, so he got up from the bed and gone closer to Jeff. "Who are you? And what are you doing lying down at the ground in my house?" All things considered, the kid’s taking it rather well. If it were me, I’d probably scream and run, maybe start beating Jeff’s head in with a baseball bat. Jeff woke up, holding his knife, and an evil smile made more bigger the one he was already having. "Ohh, sorry for made you wake up. Why don't you go to sleep now?" (Boy): Because you woke me up, you jackass. He revealed his face to the boy, that scared walked back and fell down. "W-W-WHAT ARE YOU??" He screamed, looking at Jeff's lidless eyes. A badly written character? Jeff didn't wait, and launched his knife to the boy. Jeff hoodie now was covered with blood, and so his hands. (Narrator): Jeff pant also covered in blood. He picked up his knife and put it in his pocket. (Narrator): This had the unfortunate effect of accidentally giving himself a vasectomy. Then, noticing that no one in the house was knowing about what he did, Jeff gone downstair for see what was doing Jack. He heard some noises from a room on the left corridors, so he gone there. "Toc, toc~ Can I enter?" Jeff entered the room, and saw Jack standing in front of a dead body at the ground. The body was lying on a blood stain, and Jack was doing something. Please don’t be necrophilia. '' "Eww EJ, are you doing that again? How can you eat that.." He was opening the belly of the body, and took a kidney. The, Jeff heard a noise coming from out the room: someone was coming downstairs. "Hurry, Jack! I think we have to go now, we did too much chaos here!" ''Don’t you just hate when you do too much chaos? Ugh, such a pain. Jack nodded, and putted the kidney in his pocket. Jeff gone to the nearest window and with the knife broke it, jumping out followed by Jack. They ran away, leaving the house. "Hehe too much fun!" Jeff laughed. They were returing back to their home. When they reached the house, they entered; both sat at the couch. Then, Jack remembered that he was still having with him his stolen kidney, and picking it up from the pocket put it closer to his mouth. "Wait, how can you eat it without a mouth?" Jack looked at Jeff, and then, shoking What a shok! Jeff, took off his mask showing a large smiling mouth. It was like the one of Jeff, but it wasn't cut; with a low voice, then said laughing "Who said I don't have one?". Jeff was without words, he never knew Jack was having a face under the mask. Jeff’s not exactly intelligent, is he? He stared at Jack, and after some seconds, his face was turning red. "mh.. Jeff? Are.. are you ok? You're getting red." After those words he was going to eat his kidney, but before he could do so, Jeff put his hand under Jack's head, and turning it towards hims, he got closer. "Jeff, what are you do-!" In the room fell a big silence. Jeff kissed Jack, and he was neither knowing why. The ambiguously gay duo! He had a strange feeling, and his heart was going faster. Jack turned red, and imbarassed pushed Jeff away, and covering his face with his hand ran upstairs. "Oh no.. Wh-What the hell did I do??" Yaoi? Jeff was holding his chest, as his heart was continuing beat faster. "Jack! Jack, I-I'm sorry! I don't know what was passing in my mind!!" Too late, Jack locked himself in his room, and he never got out until the next morning. (Narrator): Jeff, meanwhile, hung himself. No one was sad about that. END RIFF I don't like shipping stories involving Jeff the Killer, be it with a male or female. I especially hate it when the ship involves another Creepypasta character whose shown no sexual urges, and when it involves Slender Mansion. So already I don't like it. Tack on a very dumb plot and bad spelling/grammar, and you've got yourself a story that I really hate. Granted, it's not as bad as "Pythor's Suicide", but by the Preservers' pants, this story sucks. So, what do you guys think? Is the story good? Is the Riff good? Do you wish Eyeless Jack would eat my kidneys after Jeff the Killer kills me? Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Category:Blog posts